Part 1: The 10 Most Important Words in Any Relationship

This blog post is Part 1 of 5.

Most statistics cite that approximately 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. The rates fluctuate when one takes into account first, second and third marriages. In 2005, 3.6 per 1,000 people got divorced; that’s more than 1 million Americans.

Reasons for divorce vary, and I’m not going to venture to name all of the possibilities here. I can, however, make some speculation based on my personal experience with marriage (11+ years) and the work I do with various clients. My experience tells me that among the fundamental keys to a lasting, loving, mutually beneficial partnership (be it marriage, common law or domestic partners) are trust, respect and acknowledgment. Love is important and is what often draws us together in the first place. Perhaps the romantic in me has dulled a little, because I no longer agree with the sentiment “love is all you need.”

How are trust, respect and acknowledgment sustained and nourished? Through intentional talk! Through open, honest communication with each other. Through self-trust, self-respect and self-acknowledgment, which allows for those feelings for another.

There are certain key words that support a relationship of trust, respect and acknowledgment. Here are the first two of 10 that every couple should practice and integrate into their daily lives. [The next four blog posts will elaborate on the other eight words.]

“Thank you”

Living with someone, there are little things we do everyday that are necessary for a household to run smoothly. Washing the dishes, doing the laundry, taking out the garbage, making dinner, paying the bills. We do this things without expectation of recognition or thanks.

And what happens when the other person notices that you’re doing it, even when you don’t feel like it? When you’re tired? Sick? Busy with work or the kids? A simple “thank you” can make all the difference. It’s acknowledging that there’s a partnership, that you each have tasks that make life easier for one another in ways large and small.

If possible, go beyond the simple “thank you” and name what you’re thankful for: a particularly good meal, that his timing for the laundry was perfect because you’re almost out of underwear, or that she took out the trash in the pouring rain. Attach meaning to the appreciation, and you’ll be less likely to take each other for granted.

For Your Consideration

• What does your partner do that you’d like to acknowledge more often?
• How can you add more sincere appreciation to your relationship?
• What do you want to be acknowledged for? How are you going to ask for that acknowledgment?